I made a huge mistake. I missed that a Facebook blog promotion group was set to public not closed and posts about this Blog appeared on my regular timeline. This blog was supposed to be anonymous so I could be honest about my feelings without scaring off friends and clients. I dont know how many have read it – and I am now worried recent compliments were just to make me feel better and were not genuine.
Temptation is to just chuck the whole thing and go and hide in a hole. If I give up and admit I am a failure these feelings of faking everything stop. If I stop doing stuff to pretend I am capable I dont have to worry about being found out because people can see I am useless to start with. I only have problems when I try to do stuff.
Feelings are a mess right now – why am I even bothering to write this – it will just make people laugh at me even more. Or will people think I am faking the whole privacy thing to give myself something to write about – or did I screw up deliberately in self saboutage. I will try and come back to this and make more sense of it when – if – I feel more in control.